Happenings in Our World: February 2010

Warning: I started to type this and found that I didn't stop. You may just want to stop reading now.

I am just plain worn out. I started the month of February caring for my Grandma. She has been suffering from a blood cancer called multiple myeloma, as well as 3 other blood disorders. She has always been a physically strong woman. I have seen a noticeable decline in her stature and ability to do things since I saw her last May. In September, I ran to Salt Lake to see her at the doctor, she was able to walk all over the Huntsman Cancer Institute by herself, although in quite a lot of pain. By November when I saw her, she was in a care center for recovery and rehab after the disease caused 3 of her vertebrae to all but disintegrate and break, so she had had surgery to "glue" them back together. This most recent visit, she was in the hospital because they found her nearly dead from the effects of kidney failure because her organs were beginning to fail. By Wednesday of the week that I was there, she had made the decision to stop treatments and go home to live out the rest of her days in the comfort and peace of family and friends. Her amazing oncologist (and may I add...he was hot...lol) was just the man that I would want explaining my options to me, informed her that if she chose this option, her kidneys would give her about 2 weeks. I never thought that it could be a relief to finally have an end in sight. I always thought that such a final diagnosis would be devastating. And though I know that it would be in some situations, in hers, it was complete relief and peace.

Although it was a very special week that I spent with my mom, aunts, uncle and grandparents, the events of the month have sapped every last bit of energy that I had.

The week that I got home, was Amber & Les's birthdays. Needless to say, Amber was all but forgotten when it came to gifts, special meals, and the like. I couldn't pull normal life back together by that point. She was so good to understand, and we had a good time shopping for hot deals and letting her choose some new clothes together. We were able to spend Les's birthday at the Environmental Center skiing and snowshoeing, and we let both kids take a friend for a little birthday celebration.

In that week, I spent my time putting together a slide show of Grandma's life to show at the viewing. On Friday, we made the drive back down to their house to show it to Grandma before she passed. She didn't know that we were doing it. When we arrived, she looked awful, but I am so glad that we took that last chance for the kids to say their goodbye's to grandma. I knew that there were only days if not hours left. It just so happened that while we were there, Grandpa had another stroke (not an uncommon thing anymore. It is just a matter of time until he has one severe enough to kill him.) Then we made the quick drive back home the next day.

On Wednesday of that week, she finally passed away. It was devastating and a relief all at the same time. I will miss her terribly, but am so relieved that she will not suffer anymore. I know that through the Plan of Salvation that I will see her again, although it will be such a long time. So on Friday, we again made the trip down south for the funeral.

Grandma was an amazing woman. Her cooking was something that I only hope to be able to equal some day. She sewed perfectly, quilted beautifully, created anything she needed, crafted so many amazing projects and cared for everyone in her reach. Grandma never spoke bad of anyone. NEVER. She cared meticulously for the things she had so that they would last and be kept nice for as long as she needed them, and was always content with what she had. She considered it a blessing to live within her means and knew that all the extras were blessings not essentials in her life.

Since we returned on Sunday from the funeral, I have slept way too much. I can't get enough sleep. I'm not sure how to remedy this problem. I have allowed myself to let my body catch up, but I also know that if I keep this up, my body likes to sleep, and it will become an addiction that I must have. I have way too much to accomplish to let that happen.

Those we love don't go away,

They walk beside us every day.

Unseen, unheard, but always near.

Still loved, still missed, and always dear.

Last week I had the opportunity to help take care of my grandparents.

I had the opportunity to be the only grandchild at the hospital when the doctor explained where Grandma's condition was at and what her options were. He also informed all of us that if she chose to stop treatment and return home on hospice, she would likely only have about 2 weeks left to live.

I sat alone with her at the hospital with a tape recorder as she told me of childhood memories that she had never told anyone else.

I never imagined that this could be a spiritual and testimony building experience.

Once she made the decision to leave the hospital and stop treatments, I had the special privilege of helping to care for her, and as Grandpa said "boss him around."

Now we wait. I think this is the hardest part. Again, she was sent home from the hospital in the best possible condition, and again we watch her deteriorate a little more each day.

I am so grateful to have had the opportunity to spend those days with her and Grandpa.

I love them both dearly, and will miss her terribly when she is gone.